Sockology – The study of the migration patterns and breeding habits of socks in their natural habitat.
Real science is happening here people! I have yet to see studies published about this in the American Journal of Medicine, National Geographic, or Target’s Christmas Flyer. I’m on the cutting edge of sock research.
Armed with a cool test tube and eye goggles that were completely unnecessary props, I have been busy researching a ongoing problem I am experiencing. Perhaps you can relate to my dilemma.
Odd Sock Collection – Evidence Sample #A244P-33
There were 19!!!! My laundry room has transformed into a dating service for lonely footwear, and nineteen unmatched socks sit atop my dryer waiting for their “Sole Mates”. On any given day that number can be plus or minus 5.
I approached my research in a logical series of investigative steps:
Fact 1: Pairs are placed in the laundry bin
I know they go in here in pairs. That is because I, personally, have to pick them up from strange locations such as the kitchen floor and always make sure I have both.
Fact 2: Pairs go in the washer together
No odd socks were found lurking behind the bins, so they are making it to the washer.
Fact 3: Advance to the dryer
Since none are left in the washer I must assume they all made it to the dryer still in pairs.
The evidence clearly leads me to the conclusion that something is happening in my dryer amidst the spinning and tossing.
Analysis of conditions:
1) Warm air
2) Freeing feeling of being tossed in the air
3) Close quarters of left socks mixing with right socks
I can make no other conclusion but the socks are breeding in the dryer
Based on the average drying time of a load of clothes, I estimate the gestation period to be around 40 minutes. The mixing of sock DNA is producing genetically-altered hybrid socks. My sister, PhD in Genetics, can surely confirm the validity of this extensive research.
A grey sock and a white sock would produce: a dirty gym sock.
A white sock and a white sock produce: a baby white sock.
This logic explains how a load that included little one’s pink, purple, and blue socks produced this interesting specimen: